Game Reviews

Keep Your Kids Alive in Think of the Children

Think of the Children is one of the first games in a long time that made me laugh out loud. Parents will understand the madness of this game and even the blessedly child-free will find themselves amused at the gruesome demise of the dumbest kids ever simulated.

Players take the role of harried parents, doing their best at everyday activities—like arranging a birthday party or grocery shopping—while keeping their kids alive. If this sounds simple, it’s because you probably don’t have kids. Players navigate the map, collecting groceries, tending barbecue grills, hanging piñatas and all sorts of regular stuff, as their kids run around drinking bleach, pulling down stacks of canned goods, swimming with sharks, petting rabid dogs, running out into the street and all sorts of creative family activities.

The game is hard and more often than not, comes down to how few of your children die. Or get taken by Child Protective Services. The more tasks you can complete while losing the fewest possible children, the better you’ll score.

While I wasn’t able to take advantage of the couch co-op, I think players will get a kick out of it. And again—this is close to the reality of raising kids. It’s easier when you team up.

Graphics here are fine. Nothing special, but nothing bad either. Same deal with the music. But honestly, the gameplay is crazy enough you won’t have time to notice anyway.

All in all, Think of the Children is a fun and frantic adventure that will have you screaming at your monitor. It might also have you saying, “Just let the shark eat Billy, we’ve got to flip these burgers!” I mean in today’s crazy world, parents gotta do what they gotta do!

Check out my other recent Indie Review for Hypernova, a colorful and addictive RTS.

Think of the Children

Currently available on Steam


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Steven Long

Steve is an IndieWatch O.G. He has long supplied marketing information for the aspiring developer. More recently he has been creating content for retrogaming enthusiasts on his YouTube channel. Find him on Twitter @Longie_long and at Patreon.

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